These past three weeks have been great

I should be in love with her

But I'm not feeling that thing

It's ineffable

Ineffable

Good word

So when are you gonna do it

She's probably on the subway by now

You could call her voicemail

Beep

Dumped

Click

Done

I have to do this face-to-face

I just

I don't know what I'm gonna say

I'm not ready for a commitment

Oh

That's such a cliche

It's not a cliche

It's a classic

It's the Stairway to Heaven of break-up lines

Well

I think Natalie deserves better

Better

There's no better in breaking up

There's only less awful

A cliche is a cliche for a reason

It's comforting

It doesn't matter

I already told her I am ready for a commitment so

Oh

My God

There's no way out

I'm gonna have to marry her

No

No

We're gonna get you out of this

Okay

How about

It's not you

It's me

Six words

You look fat in those jeans You're free to go

Ted

Have you considered telling her the truth

Seriously

Honey

Men are working here

Ted

What is the truth

Why do you wanna break up with her

The truth

She's not the one

So tell her that

Oh

You can't tell her that

That's horrible

Why

What is so horrible about that

Yeah

What is so horrible about that

She's not the one

Why is that such a heart-breaking thing to hear

The chances of one person being another person's the one are

Like

Six billion-to-one

Yeah

You have better chances of winning the lottery

Exactly

You wouldn't take it personally if you lost the lottery

All right

Man

Tell her the truth

She's gonna cry

Yeah

And he's gonna sit there

And he's gonna take it like a man

I have to do the mature thing