Oh help me please doctor I'm damaged

There's a pain where there once was a heart

It's sleepin it's a beatin'

Can't ya please tear it out and preserve it

Right there in that jar

Oh help me please mama I'm sick'ning

It's today that's the day of the plunge

Oh the gal I'm to marry

Is a bow legged sow

I've been soakin' up drink like a sponge

Don't ya worry get dressed cried my mother

As she plied me with bourbon so sour

Pull your socks up put your suit on

Comb your long hair down

For you will be wed in the hour

So help me please doctor I'm damaged

There's a pain where there once was a heart

I'm sleeping it's a beating

Can't ya please take it out and preserve it

Right there in that jar yeah

Oh help me please doctor I'm damaged

There's a pain where there once was a heart

It's sleepin it's a beating

Can't ya please tear it out and preserve it

Right there in that jar

I was trembling as I put on my jacket

It had creases as sharp as a knife

I put the ring in my pocket

But there was a note

And my heart it jumped into my mouth

It read darling I'm sorry to hurt you

But I have no courage to speak to your face

But I'm down in virginia with your cousin lou

There be no wedding today

So help me please doctor I'm damaged

You can put back my heart in its hole

Oh mama I'm crying

Tears of relief

And my pulse is now under control