I See Everything - La Dispute

Like any morning of my

Junior year

I stumble in the classroom

Late but this day I see

Faces I feel

An air like a funeral

Like a wake

As I sit down

Teacher speaking

Somewhat sombrely

But still confident and calm

Part eulogy

Her speech and

Part poem part celebration song

Her warmth and smile

She passes photocopies

Out to us of entries

From a journal

Kept so long ago

She starts to read

And suddenly

It's 1980

March 5

The cancer is furious

But our son is resilient

We have all the faith

We'll get through this

No matter what the end

Treatments are violent but

He keeps on smiling

It's amazing

Finding joy in the little things

April 12

Andrew's appetite's improved

And we thank God everyday

But still it's hard sometimes

To see him in that scarecrow frame

July 9

There's a suffering

When I look in his eyes

He's been through so much

We've all been through so much but

What incredible resolve

Our little boy shows only 7

Standing face to face with death

He said it's easy to find people

Who have suffered worse than him

"Like Jesus suffered worse than anyone"

He told me last night

"When God abandoned him" and

September 20

We've been playing in the yard

Lately his spirits are high

Although his blood counts aren't

October 14

He feels tired all the time

November 30

At the hospital again

It feels like home when we're here

December 8

He's getting worse

January 19

We buried our son today

Our youngest child

And while his death was ugly

We must not

Let it scare us from God

Abundant grace has restored him

A brand new body

And set him free from the torture

Finally rid of the cancer

Before the moment he left

He briefly wrested from death

Suddenly opened his eyes

Said "I see everything"

"I see everything"

And I will never forget it

The peace and the comfort

You displayed through a pain

That I can only imagine

The loss of a child

To the torture of cancer

Help me

Cause I can only imagine

How you recovered

Kept your faith

And held the brightness of life

Inside the smile of a child

You had to bury

And I will never forget him

Or your steadfast faith

No I will never forget you

Now six or seven years later

I'm devoid of all faith

I am empty of comfort

And I am weary of waiting

Though I've felt nowhere what you have

I see nothing at all

Though I've felt nowhere what he did

My eyes are closed