I read the news today oh boy

About a lucky man who made the grave

And though the news was rather sad

Well I just had to laugh

I saw the photograph

He blew his mind out in a car

He didn't notice that the lights had changed

A crowd of people stood and stared

They'd seen his face before

Nobody was really sure

If he was from the House of Lords.

I saw a film today oh boy

The English Army had just won the war

A crowd of people turned away

But I just had to look

Having read the book

I'd love to turn you on

Woke up, fell out of bed,

Dragged a comb across my head

Found my way downstairs and drank a cup,

And looking up I noticed I was late.

Found my coat and grabbed my hat

Made the bus in second splat

Found my way upstairs and had a smoke,

And Somebody spoke and I went into a dream

I read the news today oh boy

Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire

And though the holes were rather small

They had to count them all

Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall.

I'd love to turn you on