PERCEPTION CHECK - Tom Cardy

Composed by：Tom Cardy

On the horizon of this forest path

You see a group of dark-cloaked figures

Slowly trudging towards you what do you do

My half-orc barbarian braces her great hammer and-

That's a one

Critical fail Steve what do you do

Well I believe in anticipation

My rogue would try and hide behind a tree-

Okay I rolled a one

That's another critical fail

Tom what does your human bard do

Active perception check

That's a natural 20

Let's ******* go

I feel it in my fingers I feel it in my toes

These ************* mean to harm us and they got to go

So c'mon get 'em now

You picked the wrong day to **** around with my tight crew

Ooh ooh

There's no escaping it I can perceive you

Here's what we're gonna do

Me and my boys are gonna mess you up

I rolled a one

I rolled a one

****

My boys are otherwise engaged

So I'm gonna bring it all myself

Hey I forgot you're supposed to tell me what I see right

Yes thank you let's just slow it all down a bit

So you notice that one of the hooded figures is a little shorter-

I cast vicious mockery

Nat 20 let's go

You're a short ************ and nobody likes you

Short

Everybody says "Look how ******* short that guy is"

And that stops you from forming meaningful relationships

And when you were born everybody thought that you were just a head

But then the doctor said "Wait

This stupid ************* tiny short-arse baby

Got a tiny little itty-bitty body and I hate it"

Your attack lands and absolutely shatters the mind of the cloaked figure

Perception check please

Nat 20 let's go

You perceive the figure was so short because it was a child

It's always a kid

Specifically the child you've been looking for

For the last 15 days game-time

And five days of our actual lives

Okay I'm sorry I didn't know I'll be better

**** his body's just lying there right

Right

Yes

Don't

Loot that body

Gotta loot that body now

Loot that body

Gotta loot that ************

Playing my flute when I loot that dead kid's body

*****