Professional Rapper(feat. Snoop Dogg) (Explicit) - Lil Dicky/Snoop Dogg

Written by：Snoop Dogg/Lil Dicky

Hello how can I help you

Hi my name's Dave Burd I have an appointment today

It's probably under Lil Dicky actually I'm a I'm a rapper so

OK and who are you here to see

Uh Snoop Dogg says here Snoop D O G G

Oh yeah he's right down the hall first door to your right

Give him a knock and he should be right with you

Thanks it's uh this door right here right

Mm hmm

Thank you

Grab a seat

Thanks I'm Dave very nice to meet

Dave what it do you can call me Dogg

Let me just check your sheet

No problem sir let me just say

I'm a big fan of the sh*t that y'all make

I can't lie I been thinking about this all day

All good there's a reason that we called Dave let me start with your background

Where you come from

Sure I was undergrad down there in Richmond

Before that

Oh you talking bout my hometown

Yeah

I was born out of Philly grew up in a little silly

Old town called Cheltenham

It was in the suburbs upper middle wealth around

So real sh*t you ain't never had to struggle for much

I wouldn't say it like that we just had a different kind of trap

Elaborate

Well I ain't never had a tool

But I had to be the man at school

Like I was doing sh*t I had to do so when I finished undergrad

I'm cool and I can get whatever job I wanted

But the job you wanted wasn't all that bumping

Yeah

And I saw it quick all the flaws

That be coming when you grow up like that

When you been racing them rats you ain't been making them raps

Boo hoo what a hardship

How you paid to get the rap sh*t started

Man my bar Mitzvah money

But don't diss me buddy

I wasn't one of them younguns up on the block who had nothing to lose

I must've wanted this a lot I had something to choose

Ha look at that I can say there's something to prove up in your a**

Yeah I guess

That's enough of the past what makes you want to do rap

Oh my god it's the best

B**ches let me draw up on their breasts

Literally I can reinvent myself

I get a forum to project myself

It's never boring every morning I wake up and try to best myself

I never got to be suppressed or stealthy to express myself

It's kinda healthy

Cool now let me put you through a couple hypotheticals

Sure

In a club and a couple niggas threaten you

Uh I wouldn't do sh*t

And I don't even get what that got to do with this

Shut the f**k up rap's like life

If you wanna do this then you won't get far acting like a little b**ch

Nah that's my niche

Don't get offended by this but that's the market y'all missed

That's the target I'll hit

And that's the heart of my pitch

I wanna do this whole thing different

What the f**k you mean you wanna do the whole thing different

Uh you know I I think like you know

Traditionally people have been doing the job

The same kind of way for a long time

But traditionally speaking this sh*t works right

Nah like I get that but I I just think that you know

You don't know if it could be working even better

And I think you should look at me as an opportunity to find that out

I don't mean any disrespect by that

I'm just saying I have a different background

Like a different perspective way of looking at things than your typical applicant

So what are your biggest strengths

Well my flow is crazy I can switch that amazing

For example I can be like ain't nobody f**king with Lil Dicky

When he get up on that sh*t and spit it sick and ridiculous

Ripping this sh*t like it's never been did and the rhythm is never predictable

Cause I can switch it deliver this sh*t in whatever cadence you b**ches prefer

Alright alright I get it

Top of that lyrically I'm pretty damn clever go

Got a long bottom b**ch call the hoe Neville whoa

And I blow it from the jump derrick rose knee oh

You can say I'm pretty smart how I know better

And y'all been winning like Pistorius it's no feat

Bro I can go on and on

I'm taking over and they mad like father in laws

OK enough of the punchline that ain't showing me you different than the other guys

Well I don't know if they can run it like that

But ain't nobody else doing funny type rap

What's that

Well I can tell a story about my morning

Watching boy meets world and jerking off to Topanga Lwrence

Like the 14 year old Topanga

Oh this sh*t like a joke to you

I don't get it

Nah it ain't like that

I just happen to be a nutty abundantly funny type of individual

Like as a guy

So when I get up on the mic I ain't finna just lie

Real recognize real right

Yeah I guess so what you tryna do

Five years from now tell me 'bout the dude

Well I don't care about the money

Like it's the respect that I'm wanting

Honestly I just want to be one of the greats

Where they gotta bring your boy up every debate

I don't wanna leave the game the same

In a nutshell what's your legacy

Well I wanna be the dude that came in and made the stand up rap

Put the random rap in demand like that for the people that was anti rap

Yet the fans of rap start to recognize that anti rap

Is ironically one of the real brands of rap left

That sh*t sound pretty damn complex

I guess I wanna be the best

I just wanna do it my way

And turn the whole game sideways

And show people you ain't gotta be resigned to the highway

You can make a path while these motherf**kers drive straight

I ain't mad at that

Well thanks man that's my plan of my attack

Just let me in and I'mma rap the plaques

And I ain't about to win them back to back

I'm about to win them like

It's back to back to back to back to back

Til I stop rapping

You ain't even sold a damn album yet

True

That's a lot of talk from a wily vet

Let alone a young rook ni**a

You misread me

Nah this ain't a book ni**a

Well that's one of my flaws I'm too competitive dawg

No you just f**king repetitive dawg

I get it you trying to be better than all

But you ain't sh*t until cheddars involved

I get that I gotta prove myself

No sh*t you ain't done sh*t

Think about that though

Only doing this a couple of years

One tape and I'm like this

This sh*t is aight for your first sh*t

But you don't know if it's your worst sh*t

You don't think finding out would be worth it

It might be it might not

But I'mma put your a** to work kid

Wait like like I have the job like really

Well one more thing let me see if you could put a hook together

What would you do for the hook for this song

You want me to make a hook up right now

Do I look like the type of ni**a that like repeating himself

Alright uh okay

Man do the hook

I'm about to be professional

Homie I'm professional

Uh maybe like a low voice type thing

Ni**a that sh*t is garbage man

Well you know I feel like there might have been some upside to it

But I'm not good at thinking of things on the spot like that

Don't y'all normally like outsource for that kind of thing sometimes

Sometimes but you know that was some next level Dogg sh*t right there

Yeah you know I'm just way better when I get to think things through

Have my like that dual screen action that type of thing

Whatever man you trying to smoke a blunt

Right now

Yeah

Sure

D**e Juanita bring some w**d in here please thank you

You got it Snoop I'll be right there

Thanks Juanita super nice woman

Ni**a why does everything you say sound so soft

Uh I really don't wanna be spoken to like that so

Whatever thanks

Hey I got y'all y'all w**d

Damn that's some great looking w**d it's just so early

Can I get you guys anything else while I'm here coffee tea head bottled water

D did you just say head

Yeah you ain't never got no head before

I mean just feels like a lot right now

OK

But what kind of tea do you guys have

We got mint raspberry earl grey English breakfast

Actually I'll take head

I knew your little dirty a** wanted some head