Hey

Ted

What are you doing for Halloween

Well

What

Every Halloween

Ted waits for the slutty pumpkin

That's right

What's the slutty pumpkin

You mean

Who is the slutty pumpkin

It was four years ago…

I was at this Halloween party

Up on the roof of our building

About to call it an early night

When out of nowhere appeared this girl in the ***iest pumpkin costume

Wait

How can a pumpkin costume be ***y

It was carved in strategic places

So

We're at the bar and I see her mix

Kahlúa and

Kahlúa and root beer

A cocktail she invented herself

And she

And she called it the Tootsie Roll

Because

Because it tastes like an alcoholic Tootsie Roll

Hey

Can I please tell the story

So we had this instant connection

She gave me her number

But then

Something went terribly wrong

Guys

Something went terribly wrong

Happy Halloween

Sonny

Where's Cher

Cher

Right here

Babe

I just met the perfect woman

She's funny

She's beautiful

She loves"Star Wars"

Whoa

Whoa

Whoa

What's her take on Ewoks

Loves them

Oh

Good

I don't know why people are so cynical about Ewoks

The Rebellion would've failed without the Ewoks

And get this

She's a marine biologist

She spent a year in Antarctica studying penguins

Oh

Penguins are cool

Kind of like black-and-white Ewoks

I approve

Hey

Where's my Kit Kat

I put it right here on this table

I don't know

But we have plenty of chocolate here

No

No

No

You don't understand

I need that Kit Kat

She wrote her number on that wrapper

Where is it

Uh-oh

Hey

Dracula

Come on

Give me the candy

Give me it

Where's the Kit Kat

Where's the Kit Kat