The Gift - The Velvet Underground (地下丝绒)

Waldo Jeffers had reached his limit

It was now mid-august

Which meant that he had been separated

From marsha for more than two months

Two months and all he had to show were three dog-eared letters

And two very expensive long distance phone calls

True when school had ended and she'd returned to wisconsin

And he to locust pennsylvania

She had sworn to maintain a certain fidelity

She would date occasionally but merely as amusement

She would remain faithful

But lately waldo had begun to worry

He had trouble sleeping at night

And when he did he had horrible dreams

He lay awake at night

Tossing and turning underneath his printed quilt protector

Tears welling in his eyes

As he pictured marsha

Her sworn vows overcome by

Liquor and the smooth soothings of some neanderthal

Finally submitting to the final caresses of sexual oblivion

It was more than the human mind could bear

Visions of marsha's faithlessness haunted him

Daytime fantasies of sexual abandon permeated his thoughts

And the thing was they wouldn't understand who she really was

He waldo alone understood this

He had intuitively grasped every nook and cranny of her psyche

He had made her smile and she needed him

And he wasn't there

The idea came to him on the thursday

Before the mummers parade was scheduled to appear

He had just finished mowing and edging

The edelsons lawn for a dollar-fifty

And had checked the mailbox to see

If there was at least a word from marsha

There was nothing more than a circular

Form the amalgamated aluminum company of america

Inquiring into his awning needs

At least they cared enough to write

It was a new york company

You could go anywhere in the mails

Then it struck him

He didn't have enough money to go

To wisconsin in the accepted fashion

True but why not mail himself

It was absurdly simple

He would ship himself parcel post special delivery

The next day waldo went to the supermarket

To purchase the necessary equipment

He bought masking tape a staple gun and a medium sized

Cardboard box just right for a person of his build

He judged that with a minimum of jostling

He could ride quite comfortably

A few airholes some water

A selection of midnight snacks

And it would probably be as good as going tourist

By friday afternoon waldo was set

He was thoroughly packed and the post office

Had agreed to pick him up at three o'clock

He'd marked the package "FRAGILE"

And as he sat curled up inside

Resting in the foam rubber cushioning he'd thoughtfully included

He tried to picture the look of awe

And happiness on marsha's face

As she opened the door saw the package tipped the deliverer

And then opened it to see her waldo finally there in person

She would kiss him and then maybe they could see a movie

If he'd only thought of this before

Suddenly rough hands gripped his package

And he felt himself borne up

He landed with a thud in a truck

And then he was off

Marsha bronson had just finished setting her hair

It had been a very rough weekend

She had to remember not to drink like that

Bill had been nice about it though

After it was over he'd said that he still respected her and

After all

It was certainly the way of nature and even though no

He didn't love her

He did feel an affection for her

And after all they were grown adults

Oh what bill could teach waldo

But that seemed many years ago

Sheila klein

Her very very best friend walked in through

The porch screen door into the kitchen

Oh god it's absolutely maudlin outside

Ugh I know what you mean I feel all icky

Marsha tightened the belt on her cotton robe

With the silk outer edge

Sheila ran her finger over some salt grains on the kitchen table

Licked her finger and made a face

I'm supposed to be taking these salt pills but

She wrinkled her nose

They make me feel like throwing up

Marsha started to pat herself under the chin

An exercise she'd seen on television

God don't even talk about that

She got up from the table and went to the sink

Where she picked up a bottle of pink and blue vitamins

Want one Supposed to be better than steak

And attempted to touch her knees

I don't think I'll ever touch a daiquiri again

She gave up and sat down

This time nearer the small table that supported the telephone

Maybe bill'll call

She said to sheila's glance

Sheila nibbled on a cuticle

After last night I thought maybe you'd be through with him

I know what you mean

My god

He was like an octopus

Hands all over the place

She gestured

Raising her arms upward in defense

The thing is after a while

You get tired of fighting with him

You know and after all he didn't really do anything

Friday and saturday so I kind of owed it to him

You know what I mean

She started to scratch

Sheila was giggling with her hand over her mouth

I'll tell you I felt the same way and even after a while

She bent forward in a whisper

I wanted to

And now she as laughing very loudly

It was at this point that

Mr Jameson of the clarence arrow post office

Rang the door bell of the large tucco colored frame house

When marsha bronson pened the door

He helped her carry the package in

He had his yellow and his green slips of paper signed

And left with a fifteen-cent tip

That marsha had gotten out of her mothers

Small beige pocket book in the den

What do you think it is

Sheila asked

Marsha stood with her arms folded behind her back

She stared at the brown cardboard carton

That sat in the middle of the living room

I don't know

Inside the package waldo quivered with excitement

As he listened to the muffled voices

Sheila ran her fingernail over the masking tape

That ran down the center of the carton

Why don't you look at the return address

And see who it is from

Waldo felt his heart beating

He could feel the vibrating footsteps

It would be soon

Marsha walked around the carton

And read the ink-scratched label

Ugh god it's from waldo

That schmuck

Said sheila

Waldo trembled with expectation

Well you might as well open it

Said sheila

Both of them tried to lift the stapled flap

Ah shit

Said marsha groaning

He must have nailed it shut

They tugged at the flap again

My god you need a power drill to get this thing opened

They pulled again

You can't get a grip

They both stood still breathing heavily

Why don't you get the scissors

Said sheila

Marsha ran into the kitchen

But all she could find was a little sewing scissor

Then she remembered that

Her father kept a collection of tools in the basement

She ran downstairs and when she came back

She had a large sheet-metal cutter in her hand

This is the best I could find

She was very out of breath

Here you do it I'm gonna die

She sank into a large fluffy couch and exhaled noisily

Sheila tried to make a slit between the masking tape

And the end of the cardboard

But the blade was too big and there wasn't enough room

Godamn this thing

She said feeling very exasperated

Then smiling

I got an idea

What

Said marsha

Just watch

Said sheila touching her finger to her head

Inside the package waldo was so transfixed with

Excitement that he could barely breathe

His skin felt prickly from the heat

And he could feel his heart beating in his throat

It would be soon

Sheila stood quite upright and walked around

To the other side of the package

Then she sank down to her knees

Grasped the cutter by both handles

Took a deep breath and plunged the long blade

Through the middle of the package

Through the masking tape

Through the cardboard through the cushioning

And right through the center of waldo jeffers head

Which split slightly and caused little rhythmic arcs

Of red to pulsate gently in the morning sun