Pick a card

All right Now memorize it

You got it Oh yes

Is that your card

Yes

Hey guys Hi there

Guess what Ben is gonna be in a TV commercial

What are you talking about

It's not for sure but

We met this guy in the park who thought Ben was cute

You know which he is He gave us his card

And told us to bring him for this commercial he's auditioning

This guy's the biggest commercial casting director in town

Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition

I mean way to go Ben

I've been in that park a million times and no one's offered me an audition

It's crazy We were pushing Ben on the swings

I'm always on the swings

What am I doing wrong

That

Gotta go Wish me luck Good luck

Since you work at Ralph Lauren can you get me some shirts

I don't know if I'd feel comfortable stealing on my very first day

Unwilling to steal from work

Interesting

If anybody gets free stuff it's me

Okay guys way to wish me luck

Go get 'em

Let's discuss Rachel's birthday

I say we throw a surprise party this weekend

But her birthday's not for another month

If we throw her party on her birthday it's not a surprise

Great We can have a dinner party and just invite her close friends

Ross We're having a surprise party for Rachel

Done

Great Wanna do it together

I'd love to do it together

They're gonna do it together

That's my girlfriend

So I gotta shut it down now

I gotta go I'm picking up Ben

And then we're off to the big audition

It's gonna be weird seeing some actor pretending to be Ben's dad

Weirder than seeing his two moms make out

Dad There's a dad in the commercial

Yeah The dad and Ben eat soup and pretend to enjoy it

Maybe I'll go with you and audition as the dad

Who better to play Ben's father than his godfather

You're not his godfather What

Are you kidding

Of course I am

Okay let's go godfather All right

They're gonna let me audition

Really That's great

One of the casting ladies has actually seen me in a play

So I steered clear of her

And the other one I know from

Well you know

That kid looks familiar Oh yeah

He's done tons of commercials I've seen him in Sugar Smacks PlayStation PS

And that one for the phone company

He was so good he convinced me to switch phone companies

Chandler was mad

He's not gonna get this one Ben is way cuter than that kid

I mean look at him

That's great

Wouldn't it be great if I got to play Ben's dad

You look nothing like Ben

I look more like him than you do

I really don't know you well enough for you to do that

So it's down to these two Nancy I know you like this one

I think I agree Rachel what do you think

Well that one is pretty

But I just love this fabric

Sorry

Don't be Part of your job is to give your opinions

Then I take credit for them I'm kidding

She is kidding But don't ever disagree with her again

Okay now I'm kidding

What a fun office

I don't know which one But I do know I need a cigarette

Let's take a break go outside and sort this out when we return

You smoke No

My dad's a doctor And he would always tell me horror stories

About ghosts and goblins

Who totally supported the princess' right to smoke

And then they came back from smoking and they'd made all of the decisions

That's not fair I know

It's like I'm being punished for not having this disgusting poisonous habit

Yeah it is the best

What if this keeps happening

They'll be smoking making the decisions

And I'll be up in my office breathing in my stupid clean air

And when Kim wants to promote one of us

Who do you think she'll pick Me or Smokey Smokerson

We used to have a smoking area at work

It was great There was this big flowerpot with dirt in it

We used to put our cigarettes out in it

One of the old timers told me there used to be a little tree in there

You can go down there and not smoke Say you want some fresh air

I could do that

Or you could do the easy thing and smoke

You gotta take long deep drags

Wow I still don't have my lung capacity back yet

Rach do you wanna go get coffee

I would love to Oh good

I'm gonna go too

Oh good

Oh I changed my mind

Let's talk about the party I have so many ideas

Me too

Oh look at that

This is a little sketch of the cake See

Some sample menus

I thought we'd start with a Tuscan style finger food

And for music here's an alphabetized list of all of my CDs CD

I've highlighted the ones that'll go with the food

What about the intimate dinner party We're not doing that

Looks like you took care of everything Thanks a lot cohost

Wait a minute There's plenty of things for you to do

Like what

Cups

You're giving me cups

And ice

Cups and ice I get to be in charge of cups and ice

All right

Fine I will be in charge of cups and ice

I can get ice at the restaurant I got it

How did the audition go Not so good

Wait a minute Are you doing Joey's：

The audition didn't go so well Yeah it did

Yeah I am

Yeah Ben got a second audition That's great

I had to teach Ross my bit because I actually didn't get a callback

You got a callback too didn't you

Yeah I did

What are you doing out here

It got kind of lonely up there so I thought I would come out here

And get some fresh air

We're discussing the fall collection

Oh great

Anyway we really

Sorry We're smoking all over you That's okay

We'll move You stay there

I sent the designs to Ralph He was excited about it

That's great You are the best

Excuse me Can I bum one of those

Actually this one's

What's so funny over here

I thought you didn't smoke

You know I thought you guys meant *********cigarettes **

You know what I mean Doobies

Actually I thought to myself Those guys are crazy

But no I smoke the regular ones all the time

We get high **

Me too

I'm kidding

Me too

Oh God This is so nerve racking How do you do this

Fortunately I don't get many callbacks so

Is it a good sign that they asked us to wait

Who knows

We have narrowed it down to Raymond Ben Kyle **

And Joey The rest of you thank you

Yes I knew it

Bye bye

So long

Later

I'm not married to him anymore He's my ex husband I'm totally gay

This is great I might get to play Ben's dad

Actually that can't happen

Because you have such different looks

We're putting you with Raymond and Kyle with Ben

So it'll either be you two or you two

This is gonna be kind of weird Yeah it is

Yeah It's gonna be weird

No We're like best friends That's why it's weird

I thought we were just talking

If Ben gets this commercial do you think you can get me some free soup

Chandler a can of soup is like 60 cents

Yeah okay but I have been supporting a 29 year old ltalian for five years 29

Is it okay if I leave this here till Rachel's birthday party

Sure What's in them Cups

Good because we got Rachel 800 gallons of water

That's a lot of cups

I'm in charge of cups and ice

And Monica's gonna rue the day she put me in charge of cups and ice

You know I rued the day once Didn't get a whole lot else done

Okay time to bring up the rest of the cups

Ross I'm glad you're here

I want to talk to you What's up

I've been thinking about this commercial thing Me against Ben

The two of us competing That can't lead to anything good

I think I'm just gonna step aside I'll tell them that I won't audition

Joey that's great Thanks man

That's it

You're gonna let me do this It's my career we're talking about

But you just

I just said that so you wouldn't let Ben do it

If anyone should step aside it should be Ben

What Chandler tell him

Well let me get the door first

Hi no one

Why should Ben step aside

It was his audition in the first place You tagged along

You're like the tagalong dad

At least I care about his feelings

What

You know how hard it'll be on him when he doesn't get it

And why wouldn't he get it

Come on

Have you seen what my kid can do

He dials phones he eats tortilla chips

He plays soccer with the cartoon tiger

Are you saying your kid eats soup better than my kid

You just give him a spoon baby

Oh yeah I guess we'll see

This commercial belongs to me and Mitch

Your kid's name is Raymond Yeah So is yours

How did work go lt was great

I went down there like you said And we talked business

And Kim took my opinions

You stink

Thanks No I'm serious

That's because I went down there and they were smoking

This is actually the smell of success

But there's something different

Oh my God You smoked

I did not

Yes you did You look happy and sick You smoked

All right fine But I had to I had to do it for my career

I wish I had to smoke for my career

But it's so gross

It's not that bad you know

Yeah my tongue feels a little fuzzy and my fingers sort of smell

I actually feel like I could throw up

Can you hear yourself I know I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm not myself I smoked like half a pack

I feel a little shaky and a little weird

But you gotta push past this okay Because it's about to get so good

You smell so smoky I gotta get up

I'm not kidding

I think you smell great

So we're decided No on plaid yes on pink

Absolutely

I'm so onboard

Didn't you just light that Yeah

But you know what

I'm just really really trying to cut back you know

Good luck Rach

I've been thinking about quitting

Every Sunday night I tell myself I'm quitting

Every Monday morning it's like：

Tell me about it

We'll just quit Let's all quit

It sounds appealing

I never could do it But you could Absolutely

We can help each other We could get those patches

We could be like the Patch Sisters

You know we really should quit Okay let's quit

Great Give me those cigs Come on

Give it Out Done Quit

My late husband gave me that lighter

I'm not kidding

Okay then

Mmm soup

Mmm soup

Mmm soup

Joey Ross is gonna be here any second would you mind watching Ben for me while I use the ladies' room

No problem Thanks

So you want to be an actor I gotta tell you it's no picnic

There's tons of rejection No stability

I mean one day you're Dr Drake Ramoray

The next day you're eating ketchup out of the bottle

It's a tough life I mean sure you can get up whenever you want

Watch TV all day

Meet tons of women in acting class

Oh who am I kidding I can't talk you out of this It's a great life

Joey Ross

Ben

I mean Ben Ben

Raymond Joey you're up

So here's what

Are you sure that I haven't seen you somewhere before

No I haven't been in any plays

All right let's try one Whenever you guys are ready

Is there a problem

Well this is noodle soup And I've been working with tomato

But that's okay No problem

Mmm noodle soup

You know that's fine But the line isMmm soup

What'd I say Mmm noodle soup

How's that different

All right Let's try one

Mmm

Noodle soup

Let's do it again

Mmm soup

I mean noodle soup I mean soup

Come on

You know what We need to move on

No I could do it one more time

Look

Mmm noodle soup

D**n it

So I think that if we get these samples into the magazine by Monday we'll be fine

Sounds good So Rach how you doing

I'm great No with the not smoking thing

Kill me now

Let me tell you something I ate 40 Mallomars today 40

I mean I have patches all over my body you know

I mean I haven't slept in two days We quit yesterday

That's counting today

But anyway so these samples I think

Oh my God

I'm so sorry I forgot I have to go to the mailroom and mail some proofs

Go ahead Rachel and I will just sit here and keep brainstorming

Also Vogue called And they were wondering

You know what I'm a little hungry I'm just gonna run down to the vending machines

All right

Busted

Come on What are you doing I thought we were the Patch Sisters

That didn't work out

Wait a minute What about all we've talked about

You know the disgusting place the ugly people

Hey how you doing

We tried to quit But it was too hard

If you started smoking again you could have at least told me

Give me one of those What are we talking about

No You're doing great Don't you give up

That's why we didn't tell you and we won't drag you down

Wait No no Drag me down

Forget it We're so proud of how well you're doing

I won't let you blow it If I catch you you're fired

Go on get out of here I don't want you breathing this stuff

So okay You'll come with me on the Paris trip

Oh man

Check it out Cup hat cup banner

Great job with the cups

Why don't you just go out with her

Did you notice the ice Look

We have it all We have crushed cubed and dry Watch

Mystical

Everyone no one's eating my Tuscan finger food Because they're all filling up on Phoebe's snow cones

There are snow cones

Snow cones Yuck

Go go Right there Thank you

You really did do a nice job Thank you

For stating the obvious

I deserve that

I just want you to know that if we ever cohost a party together again

You can do whatever you want Joey's got a birthday coming up

Really What do you wanna do Okay I'd like to be in charge of beer

Well then there's nothing left for me

Look look Surprise

What My birthday is not for another month

That's the surprise

Oh my God you guys This is so great It's so unexpected

I mean Chandler's birthday is even before mine

Surprise

This is so great Look at all these

Cups

This is so weird

I was in charge of cups

Oh okay Not so weird

Chandler what are you doing Nothing

What's in your hand Money I'm stealing all the money

Chandler

But just one okay Because nobody knows when my birthday is

Let me make this clear to you okay

It's either that

Or this

They were menthol

Listen man I'm sorry the audition didn't go well

Yeah right

No really I am Joey I feel bad

Look Ross You don't have to okay

It's not your fault I suck

What kind of an actor can't even say Mmm noodle soup

You know what Maybe you didn't mess up your audition because you suck

Maybe you messed up because you care more about your godson

What do you mean

I think subconsciously

You lost me

I think on some level you sabotaged

Your own audition so Ben would get the part

Your way sounds a lot better than mine

It's not that I'm a bad actor

No it's just that I care so d**n much about little Ben

That it was more important for me to see him succeed

There you go Thank you Thank you

So did he get it No

What are you gonna do

Excuse me is Rachel Green here I'm meeting her for lunch

She doesn't come down anymore You can find her up on 10

Okay great

So we talked about the presentation

He wondered if one person would be enough

And I said Yeah absolutely

I'll catch you guys later